IN SEARCH OF INNER HEALING
I believe this is a topic that is so relevant for today. And because of this, I would like to share my experience with it and how I've learned to overcome. Let's briefly talk about that ugly monster called depression.
I think this is something that we all face in our lives at some point. Unfortunately, this is a topic that isn't discussed often enough. Looking in the world that we live in right now and how society has put such a cheap value on life, it has really compelled me to speak about this. Especially since depression is one reason people believe the only answer is suicide. I don't recall previously where I have seen people taking away their lives at a rapid pace like today. I truly feel this stems from depression that people are faced with.
My personal experience with depression hit me when my brother passed away. I probably got to the darkest place that I've ever been in my life. I didn't know how to cope with it; so, I did what I would usually do, which is I kept it to myself. Obviously, that didn't work! It made the situation worse, and I found myself in an even darker place than I was before. This depression carried on for years. I would have moments where I'd be okay and the next thing you know I'm back in that place and it felt so familiar. I refused to accept that God would allow something like that to happen. The fact that my family had to live our lives and move on without my brother being present was not accepted at all. Nothing made sense to me. None of it was logical.
Oddly enough, I continued to do things at church, doing everything that a "church girl" should do, but I was beaten up inside.
It wasn't until my sophomore year in college that it was addressed. It got to a point where I was questioning the worth of living. While that thought was deep, deep, deep down inside, I knew I couldn’t harm myself because every method seemed painful and it didn't make sense to me. Reaching a low point, I decided to do what I knew to do best, I prayed. I told God the truth, I told God how I felt; I told God that when it happened I was angry with Him. Someone once said to me that you couldn’t get to the root of a situation if you couldn’t be honest with God. So, I was honest with Him. I told Him everything. I went home that very summer after school. I visited the cemetery and I grieved the loss of my brother. Even though it was years later, I had to do it because I never did before. You know what, I found peace.
This is not the solution for everyone in every situation, but God has different ways of rescuing us from the things that we face in life. The big picture that I'm pointing out is that you don't have to stay in a depressed state; you don't have to remain there. It is all right to mourn. It's okay to cry. It is totally acceptable to sit in your bedroom and shout to release frustrations. The dangerous phase is when we sit in IT and wallow in IT. This is where the devil really comes in and attempts to cause chaos in our minds.
Please grab a hold of this: when you find yourself in a dark place or depressed, go to God! He has an answer for you! Don't permit yourself to linger around in darkness. If you have a hard time believing that God wants to have a dialogue with you, the important thing is to connect with someone who thinks otherwise. Speak to someone, even a professional, who will pray to the Father on your behalf! There are Christian counselors. (Me shouting at you with confidence) "God hears you!"
He doesn't want you to be depressed. His desire is not for you to take your own life as a result of depression. He longs for you to possess inner healing. Very simply, He loves you.